the kid is alright

I'm not sure how to explain this without sounding like an insecure bitch but if the shoe fits...The kid is someone whom I poured my heart out too during my crisis. He was there for me and always listened to my incoherent ramblings and let me cry and muse over my ex boyfriend. But here's the problem with the help of my Arabic brother we'll call him uh um my Arabic brother, we made a fake profile on this chat app thing I mentioned. He and his friends would use my phone and mess with Khaleeji guys studying in the US on a student visa. The kid as it turns out was new to the state and looking to meet new people. I liked his style, his photos, and with the boys translating he thought I was an Arabic girl. I was hesitant because of his age just twenty, but my friends insisted I make him a target. When I was at school and work my phone would get many messages from this app and alerts, so ended up giving him my number so I could save battery. Soon we were exchanging pictures and message everyday. He would always ask to meet me and I would always make an excuse. To make up for my poor Arabic we all thought of this awful back-story of how I was the by product of an illicit affair and half American. I'm ashamed of the whole thing and when I think about it I hate myself. I know that what happened is karma. The kid shared many private things with me, photos, videos, and confided in me. He confessed his love for me and his desire to save me. It broke my heart I wanted him but not as myself as the character we made up. This charade lasted for about five months until it exploded on Eid.

He was angry and didn't talk to me for days when he found out the truth. I still don't know why he talks to me now. I fell in love with him. Not a crazy passionate love like I had but a puppy love or just a like. Lets not take loves good name in vain. I broke down out of guilt and agreed to see him and we got tipsy talked on the beach swing set. Fast forward hours later at an after hours club in the city. Seating was limited and we sat almost on top of each other in the dark patio. As the neon lights flashed over us dying both our faces violet and blue he nuzzled my cheek. His hair was so soft and fine like a babies. He kissed my hair than my cheek. I take in the smell of him of musk, cologne,and the faint smell of cigarettes. We were both shy at this point but he grew bolder and grabbed my chin and tilted my face to meet his. As we first kiss the bass drops and like in a music video we are oblivious to everything around us except the moment. I cup his face, my white fingers were a stark contrast against his tanned skin and black beard. We shyly pull away from each other and sit in comfortable silence his hand finds mine and he plays with it. I like his kisses, they are not complicated. His lips are soft and he's subtle with his tongue. I know that this is not a good idea and it will cause a scandal, but at this point I am beyond caring. But it was one of the best nights I've had in months. When he dropped me off to my house, he hugged me to his body. He is not very tall but I'm still shorter than him. He cupped my face in his hands before kissing me goodnight and whispered that he wished this night wouldn't end. Looking back I wish that too, that we never went any further than sweet kisses. The bitterness that followed was not worth it.