say something

My last post sounded so I dunno...dare I say unstable. I don't like to think of myself that way because I'm far too vain and concerned with myself but lately I've been doubtful. Today was wasted at the DMV while I was trying to get some paperwork processed, which took forever despite my appointment. I'm trying to return to normalcy and I think acceptance is setting in. Sometimes at night I feel anger or sadness creep over me but for the most part I try to shove it aside during the day. I prefer to grieve alone and in silence or lost in music. Has anyone listened to the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World ft Christina Aguilera? Oh its a doozy you'll be sobbing in no time.

I stopped contacting the kid at all because it was making me more and more upset and I just don't want to hear bullshit. I don't care that you couldn't have fun at your cousins wedding or you didn't go to Bahrain with your friends because you can't sleep at night. Good, I hope this eats at you till the day you die. I'm dreading the meeting we'll have to have next week to talk about this. I just want to shove all the things he gave me in a bag and hand it over, let him know that I curse his name and he is not forgiven.

Some mutual friends from Saudi Arabia, who stayed in the US for the winter break tried contacting me and I feel bad but I just cannot stand anyone from those places anymore. It's bad enough trying to be civil let alone sit through a coffee session. I just can't anymore. Another friend of mine who left in May is returning with his wife who's pregnant. Jesus, I remember him on top of that French girl for the duration that I knew him. How awkward.

I guess that's how we all cope. Shove it under the rug. Share a wink or two with friends. Pretend it never happened and everything is good. I'm happy to start packing, I never thought I'd want to move away from the city or the ocean. I can be someone else in a place where no one knows me.