just the selfish

Just take a guess goslings who it is. I've been mulling this over all day fueled by caffeine and hormonal rage. The definition of selfish is: adjective or a describing word, " (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. I used to refer to a quote I read in high school that fit my ex boyfriend perfectly, and no not the kid God damn his eyes. The Adonis who forever damaged my ability to fully open up and trust people. I used to tell him in our final moments "because you're not the fake type, just the selfish". I don't know which is worse to be fake or selfish anymore.

If I have to revise one more email for a professor or an adviser I will scream. I really could care less if anyone graduates; the only direct benefit is they would leave my beautiful country and could no longer bask in all the sweet freedom it offers. I never ask for help from anyone aside from my family, its a simple matter of pride. Congratulations on taking twenty three units per semester by applying for countless community colleges and paying people to do them online for you. I'm sure when you hold your degree in your hands you will be so proud. I've become disgusted at all the displays of selfishness and a general lack of honesty.

Yeah your culture forces you to have many faces and persona's and I'm sure you cry over the sheer pressure of it all at night (sarcasm). But just because I understand doesn't mean I have to be apart of it. I used to adore Khaleeji people, and I felt a connection to what I thought they stood for. Like anything else you get too close too you end up seeing the many flaws. I got in too deep and its my own fault I know that. The things that happened to me are from the choices I made and the people I choose to trust.

Before I had it set in my mind to work abroad and be an expat. I couldn't wait to finish my school and use my knowledge of Arabic to help me in my work. But now I want nothing to do with it at all and it makes me sad. I felt drawn to this culture it spoke to something deep inside me. I have an emptiness inside of me I fear will never be filled.