d is for depression and december

Hello again fwends,

The vibe for December has been off and I don't know whyy. I can't seem to shake this funk I'm in and I've been getting out more and being social but I still feel off. Maybe it's because this time last year I spent about 2 weeks at my ex's place and I felt extremely close to him. That is until he blind sided me with a stint in rehab that left me crying for a week during Christmas. I knew about the pills and the drinking but I was so afraid it was worse then he let on. I should ended things with him from the first night we met. Everything keeps playing in my head over and over. Why can't I get over him.

The kid went to a Jay Z concert while I was out with friends. That didn't really sit well with me since he has time for concerts when his friends invite him but not for me. He thought I mad because I too wanted to go to the concert and tried to assure me that they were over an hour late and it was last minute. I'm not interested or invested in this at all anymore and I could have cared less. I've been working nights the past few weekends and finishing in the AM which has wiped me out. I always get messages from the kid at work saying he wants to see him around 10pm. If he were exiting in bed then I might be enticed but it's just a bother. I'm sick of his essays, his crying, and his lack of effort.

When I finally saw him the next day we went out to eat and he filled the silence with chatter about his trip back him and finals. He kept asking if I was mad. I felt like crying already because how long are we gonna draw this out. He let me know his sister will marry and his mom wants him to study in Dubai and shes having his room remodeled for him. I found out yesterday he changed his ticket to leave almost a week earlier. It's not like we see each other. On New Years I plan on saying goodbye's to old flames and kharoofs alike.

I got a message from jilted while I was nauseous in bed I've been feeling a little sick lately. He was in the plane heading back home. He was depressed too and said he really wasn't looking forward to the month back home. His family has really been riding him lately about marriage and his future. I joked his soul is probably American. As the only boy I feel for him at twenty-seven and never even engaged. Were all just trying to be happy. I'm gonna miss him more then the kid and he lives in a different state.